Beautiful Death

The Plot Thickens

2006-09-15T10:19:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I'm going along merrily in Kleopatra's POV, adding all sorts of new layers and ideas and such. I'm just about finished with her sections, but I've still got a lot of play in word count yet. Plenty of room to expand the worldbuilding of New Olympia.

In particular, Wanda asked "Why don't they drive cars?"

Now Hades did mention in a discussion to Isabella on the road to Delphi that he's working with inventors to convert our cars into something that runs on his power like Erebus. I thought I'd expand that idea, especially since I've been thinking more like a Macedonian lately (as Kleopatra). Why not go ahead and have a tweaked car? Why not let them drive to Delphi instead of walk?

I don't lose any action scene there. It's all conversation. Oh, there is an emotional power play between Hades and Isabella, so maybe he shouldn't be driving this super car himself. He's Lord of the Underworld anyway, so someone should drive him.

Hmmmm. Who could drive him? It can't be Charon -- he's busy betraying. How about Cerberus? He was in the original draft as a triwolf but I lost him in the major rewrite. That would be cool. Not a normal everyday werewolf, but one with three heads. *g* So who should I base him on? What's his story? Even though he only plays a minor part right now, who knows what the future holds?

So I thought some more. I had a feeling, suddenly, that Cerberus was *big.* He's a main player, hiding out, biding his time. Why? How did he come to House Aegae on Macedon? Why would he follow Philip to Earth? He's not exactly a betrayer, at least I don't think so. Not like Charon. But he needed to be something big, special, unique to justify just "throwing" him in.

I also realized that the ending of BD eliminates my main antagonist. Actually, both of them. Xerxes is still going to be a threat, but historically, Alexander conquered Persia, so who cares. Expanding Cerberus could give me the big piece I needed to suddenly have a very major player, a major antagonist who could drive the following books in the series (assuming I have reason to write them).

So take all this together. Big bad enemy. Someone who has a reason to hide out, loosely based on mythology/history/legend. Wolves. Contemporary or at least close to Philip II of Macedonia and Alexander the Great.

The name Cerberus was known as before he ever came to Earth? REMUS.

Macedon Houses

2006-09-13T10:45:00.000-07:00

As I indicated the other day, the Vergina Sun gave me the idea to define 16 Houses to play out the political war on Macedon. Note--many of these names won't be used at all, if ever. Some of the names are odd, hard to pronounce, etc. It would get horribly confusing to infodump all this garbage in the story, but in my geekdom, I felt I needed to know everything, and it never ceases to amaze me how certain little things can dictate remarkably wonderful worldbuilding. IMO.

The capital of Macedon is obviously Vergina, then, the center of the sun, ruled by the Megaskyr. The Megaskyr sits on the Sun Throne, and a 16-point star is embossed on the throne, as well as inlaid in the marble floors. Oh, did I mention that although there are certain elements of a "normal" palace, Vergina is actually built inside a massive choka tree and maintained with the current Megaskyr's power? Sometimes the walls are stone, sometimes they're the living, breathing walls of the choka, which must be coaxed into supporting the palace. If the Megaskyr's power were to fail..... Hmmm. *g*

Now the historical Kleopatra was from Macedonia, but she had a brother named Attalus who mouthed off in front of Prince Alexander (insulting him and his mother, the Queen) and almost caused a war. So appropriately, Kleopatra's original House is Attalus.

The more ancient name for the capital of Macedonia was Aegae. That's the name of Philip's House, ruled by his father, Amyntas.

Xerxes, historically, was a king of Persia, also called the Achaemenid Empire. Hence, his House's name is Achaemenid, ruled by his father, Mnemom. Why be difficult and stupid? While I like the name, I can't pronounce it. So Persia is Xerxes's house.

The other minor Houses:

Rhodes
Pydna
Caria
Molossis
Illyria
Larissa
Chios
Phocis
Strymon (actually a river, but I really liked the name)
Thessaly
Olynthus
Methone
Pherae

News and Work

2006-09-13T04:20:00.000-07:00

The Butterfly is still soaring. It's weird, this certainty I had about BD and this contest. I told Sis that it was like taking a college exam and having people ask me later how I thought I did. I either ACED it or FAILED it utterly. Either I absolutely nailed BD or I have no stinking clue about anything. Which is absolutely possible. I once took an exam on Algebraic Theory and thought I did okay. I got a 26/100. I was dumbfounded.

So I was afraid when it looked like BD didn't final. I was afraid it was like Alegbra all over again. What a relief and great joy to find that BD did final as I hoped. As I dreamed.

I swear, before I heard the news, I'd already committed to a new butt crack of dawn schedule to get the second draft finished as quickly as possible. Watch the Dreaming in Rhyme blog for the nitty gritty details if you're interested. The biggest developments are as follows:

1). I think I'm going to change Cleopatra's name to Kleopatra. I saw it spelled this way while researching the ancient capital of Macedonia, and I like it. I also think it might help with the Egyptian Cleopatra confusion. Philip II of Macedonia DID marry a Cleopatra (not Alexander's mother though) and she was assassinated shortly after him.

2). Writing in Kleopatra's POV means I need more worldbuilding on Macedon. I never needed much beyond snippets in Hades' POV. Placing scenes IN Macedon requires a whole nother level of detail, though. While looking for the historical capitals and cities of Macedonia, I found an interesting tidbit about the Vergina Sun. What a cool coincidence. That gave me so much it's not even funny. Now I have 16 Houses on Macedon, all in constant conflict to vie for the throne.

3). Xerxes is coming to life too, a necessity as he is the primary conflict that Kleopatra is facing. I need urgency on her part. After 5 years, why would she dare try to take Philip again? Ah. I know now.

I'm hoping to add about 10K words in this draft. I don't know that this is even possible by the end of the month, or with my list of revision ideas. Adding Kleopatra's POV will help, obviously, as well as enrich the story with new worldbuilding details. Cool stuff.

Rip off the wings of the Butterfly.

Charon

2006-08-06T14:31:00.000-07:00

There's only one thing I want, one thing I need. It's something I can't find here on this damned hunk of rock. I can only find it at home on Thrace.

What I need is a mate. A woman. Someone who can be my anchor.

Why would a powerful drakon like me need some delicate little female? It's very, very simple. When a Thracian reaches full maturity, the clock starts ticking. Each time I transform to my beast, there's a risk I won't be able to come back.

Don't get me wrong. I love being a drakon. I love flying, fighting, tearing shit up. I love keeping Hades' peace. I could even love this planet. All I need is her. The one who can bring me back. Who can tame my drakon. Who can fly with me. Who can love me despite the blood on my hands.

Hades doesn't know the risk. I owe him, you see. He saved my life while my father held him as hostage on Thrace. Back to back, surrounded by enemies, we learned by accident what we could do together. It required just one little thing. Blood. My blood, to be precise.

Now Hades has a bond with me. He hears my thoughts, uses me, even feeds on me. And for the most part, I never really minded. He's a decent enough skyr. Together, we ended the endless war between Thrace and Macedon. He's arrogant, but they all are. Besides, younger sons don't get much real duty and honor on Thrace. Hades is damned powerful with his own Megaskyr pissed at him. He needed me, and I liked feeling useful.

Until we came here to Earth. I lost my middle brother and his mate here. It's my fault they were assigned to Erebus, so I claim full responsibility for their deaths. Now we're exiled here with these pitiful humans. Weak, spineless, sniveling little creatures with no understanding of real power.

Worse, the virus wrecked my control. Each time I transform, it's a gamble. Will I come back, or will I fly the night skys forever? Not to mention the hunger inside me. Hades bitches about his dependency on blood, but he has no idea what it's like to crave bleeding, kicking, screaming meat. He takes a little nibble and goes on his way. Me, I tear the fucker apart.

I guess that's still not enough to excuse my betrayal. He'll never understand why I took the Megaskyr up on her offer. When my brother died, when our hungers changed, and we were chained to this planet with no hope of ever going home, I accepted Cleopatra's power. She has a trapdoor inside my head, and she knows everything I know. Everything Hades tells me. Everything I see and think and know, she possesses.

My price? A mate. Cleopatra promised me a Gate home so I could find my woman, my anchor. Someone who can embrace my drakon, tolerate my need for flesh, and pull me back from the madness and murder the virus condemns me to. I tell myself every night when I open my eyes, and every day when I lay down alone that she's out there. Waiting for me. A mate for my beast.

Deep down, though, I know the truth.

Ain't no way anybody's gonna save me. I'm never leaving this planet. It's too late for me. I'm too corrupted by the virus. My own father would shoot me down like a rabid beast, and he'd be perfectly within his right to do so.

Madness crawls inside my head, fed by desperation and all the blood on my hands. It's a monster gnawing at me day after day after day. Trapped. I'm trapped, and I'm losing my mind, and I'm running out of time.

And despite all his power, all his knowledge, the only thing Hades senses is a big black hole in his bond. He has no idea what price I'm willing to pay for even a glimmer of hope.

Wings of a Butterfly

2006-07-13T13:02:00.000-07:00

This song by H.I.M. has proven to be a powerful theme song for the final quarter of the story. I loved it even before I knew the background about the lyrics. First, the lyrics themselves:

Heaven ablaze in our eyes
We're standing still in time
The blood on our hands is the wine
We offer as sacrifice

[Chorus]
Come on, and show them your love
Rip out the wings of a butterfly
For your soul, my love
Rip out the wings of a butterfly
For your soul

This endless mercy mile
We're crawling side by side
With hell freezing over in our eyes
Gods kneel before our crime

In mythology, butterflies can often be symbols of immortality and/or innocence because of their beauty. Sometimes, ripping out the wings of a butterfly gives eternal life. Some believe that immortal souls have the wings of a butterfly. According to Ville in an interview, he says:

So I was thinking, for me, it was more about "rip out the wings of a butterfly for your soul". I was thinking: 'Are you willing to destroy your past and burn some bridges down to be able to step up to the next level, in a relationship or even spiritually?'

Wow. I love this song. I love how this story is coming together.

Disgusted

2006-07-11T09:02:00.000-07:00

I had to stop and look to see when I started this blog and this project. July 2005. A whole year. Without a single draft finished.

I wasted too much time and energy on doubts. On other people's opinions. What I should or should not be writing. How many flaws my characters have; my story; my premise; my writing in general.

I'm sick of it. It's MY damned dream! If I don't fight for it, who will?

I meekly stood passive and silent, letting people rip out the butterfly's wings. I believed it necessary and good so I could grow as a writer, while in reality it crippled me. I crammed my wide, flat, size 9 feet into dainty glass slippers so I could go to the ball. They laughed at me anyway and tore off my fake wings, just as the stepmother did in Ever After.

And the saddest part? I truly believed the butterfly was a fat ugly slug, and the dream was just a costume anyway.

No more. I borrowed Sis's kick-ass boots and I'm marching toward the finish line. Leading the way, the butterfly soars ahead of me on stained-glass wings that no one will ever shred again.

Isabella has taught me that some things are worth killing for. I will kill to keep the butterfly's wings safe this time. The silver sword is in my hand and I won't hesitate to use it.

Nothing's going to stop me now.

Butterfly

2006-06-17T13:57:00.000-07:00

[Brainstorming notes to consider while making revisions in the next draft. Some themes and elements need more work to cement them into story.]

Why a butterfly? From the beginning, the blue-black butterflies have been powerful images for this story. I knew butterflies from the very beginning. Why, though?

It goes back to her father. The years in his research lab, when she was his princess and he was the brilliant genius who could save anybody. Save the world. Did he collect them? Did he tell her a story about them? Something. It became HERS though, over time. Her signature. Perhaps something tied to her mother's death. I've often seen butterflies about dead animals, a beautiful yet gruesome picture. She could consider it some kind of sign, though. She feels guilty about her mother's death, but her strength at that time defined her. She became BEAUTIFUL DEATH because of that first mercy killing.

So I think the butterfly is tied to her mother, not her father. I think that makes it more powerful. The royal-blue color was from her father -- it matches their eyes. But the symbol itself is tied to her mother's death.

It needs to carry through the story, though. At another dark moment or moment of death, she needs to see the butterfly, or recognize it in some way.

Also, there's something about Icarus. How did he know about the butterfly? It's likely something she told him, and he latched onto it as a trademark for her personality in the Cities. I've long been playing with the idea that he's betraying her somehow. That he gave or continues to give Zeus information about her. Then when Zeus began his manipulation via the virus, he created her trademark wings in her power. But why would he do this if the butterfly sign came from her mother? Not really sure yet. Keep thinking. The pieces will fall into place eventually.

From dream interpretation:

A dream of a butterfly could be telling you to settle down and not to flit from person to person or it could have to do with social situations.. The bigger and more beautiful the butterfly, the more of an impression you will make on society, or at a special function that you must attend. Use the other symbols in your dream to get you on the right track. Link

More: (emphasis mine)
A butterfly within a dream often symbolizes the onset of a period of transformation
Symbolic of a life cycle
Learning to release the past and embrace the new
Living in the present
A need to slow down and reflect on your growth thus far
Beauty, lightness, freedom, sensitivity
A disfigured butterfly may symbolize having outgrown your present situation or cycle
Failure to commit or invest time in something, flitting around
Someone who is unable to stick to one interest, place or occupation for a reasonable period of time
Butterflies in the tummy are indicative of nervousness, anxiety, worry or stress
A person who never settles with one interest or in one place for long
The colour of the butterfly may provide further interpretational clues.
Link

More (ignoring the stuff on infidelity)
butterfly is a symbol of changeability. It may imply that you are going through an inner change like caterpillar transforms into a butterfly! And this change is going to be positive. Link

Eerie

2006-06-11T11:37:00.000-07:00

I don't even remember where I got the Archetypes Storytelling Cards link. Perhaps from Paperback Writer's Monday ten? Anyway, I updated my site today and added a few new links. I decided to check this one out. Something had snagged my attention about it, but I'd never spent time going over it.

Now I love web tarot. Some funky things have happened the few times I've played with it. The Archetypes site is sort of like standard tarot, but it's specific to character. Since I've been in a bit of a funk with Isabella and BD in general, I thought about her. Where is the story going? What do I need to accomplish? Am I on the right track?

Here's what I got from the 3-character spread.

The Past: The Noble.

Injustice, reward without merit, nepotism

Basic Interpretation:The Noble sits upon a throne, basking in his riches and blind to the suffering of those who hold him where he is. He is unaware (or possibly unconcerned) with the price paid by others to maintain his unearned position and wealth. He simply feels entitled to his lofty lifestyle.

This is totally Isabella at the beginning of the story. She's living in Athens, which she believes to be a paradise, while people die outside. Locked outside for many reasons, not just the virus, all for Zeus's grand scheme of the perfect human race. By her blood tests alone, she would have been excluded from Athens in the first place. But because she's Zeus's daughter, she was accepted without question.

The Present: The Judge

Justice, consequence, judgment, seriousness, lack of humor, absolute definitions of Right and Wrong, dogma

Basic Interpretation:Seated between icons of life and death, the Judge peers sternly and disapprovingly upon the convicted. He is the protector of the status quo and uninterested in new ideas. He passes judgment conservatively and dispassionately; no humor is allowed in his court.

Again, this is spot on. When the story opens, Isabella is First Marshal, executioner for the Pantheon. She believes she's executing justice. She hates the monsters without question. There is no room for middle ground -- anyone who's contaminated should be exterminated. Then, of course, her own contamination drives her out of her paradise, out of her comfort zone into the real world, where she begins to see the dark, ugly truth. She begins to see the monster she was all along.

The Future: The Knight

Structure, service, loyalty, fidelity, follows rules, responsibility

Basic Interpretation:Dedicated to his superiors and the oaths he has taken, the Knight stands ready to joyously serve. The Knight's loyalty and fidelity are beyond question. He has earned the honor other bestow on him by his skill and loyal service.

So this one I need to think about and work on some more. She's to the dark moment, the realization that she has killed many innocent people. That many innocent people suffered and died because of her grand Cities' exclusion policy. She starts to believe she's no better than Hera's Keres. Her loyalty to Athens is broken, but she hasn't established loyalty to anyone else yet. She still doesn't believe in Hades. But loyalty and trust in him is what will pull her through, help her defeat Zeus in the end. I need to make her worthy through loyalty and fidelity.

Someday I need to buy me a set of these cards.....

Slump

2006-05-06T19:58:00.000-07:00

Toward the end of March and throughout April, I wrote on this project like gangbusters. May has been dismail. I'm stuck. Why? I'm in another sex scene!

That's a serious problem with me, perhaps a flaw. Once I get the characters in bed, I always seem to have a hard time moving on with the story. All they want to do is stay in bed.

This is it, Isabella. Finish this already and start the trip to Delphi. Apollo has something very important to tell you.

Megaskyr Cleopatra

2006-04-05T09:27:00.000-07:00

As the Megaskyr of Macedon, she has reason to fear Hades. Wild beasts turn on their handlers the moment they're freed from their cages, and Hades was certainly hers to control many years ago. Exiled on the distant planet of Earth, he is caged if not exactly leashed for her power. He must not be allowed to return. Ever.

She is the supreme weakness.

Icarus

2006-04-04T10:37:00.000-07:00

You ask me how I can smuggle contraband into Athens, use my contacts to sneak people out, and publicly take part in demonstrations against the Pantheon and MedCorp policies yet still call Beautiful Death, the Marshal with over a thousand kills, my best friend. It’s easy, I say. I owe her my life.

In the early days of the pandemic outbreak, I tried to protect my wife and teenaged daughter by entering our names in the vaccine lottery. Only the ultra rich could actually afford to purchase the vaccination directly from MedCorp. As a lowly school teacher, I didn’t have the hundreds of thousands of dollars required to purchase even one vaccination, let alone three. I’ve never won a single lottery in my life, not even to save my family.

I watched my daughter die first. Oh, the suffering she went through before the virus claimed her life! While caring for her, my wife contracted the virus, too. Terrified, I watched her endure horrendous convulsions and skyrocketing fevers. I fell to my knees and thanked God when she survived.

Then she started murdering other people.

I learned, then, that the lucky ones die. Isn’t that a twisted sort of irony? I wasn’t lucky enough to win the lottery; my wife wasn’t lucky enough to simply die.

Survivors of the virus are twisted beyond recognition. Craving blood and flesh, they ravage the innocent and kill without mercy or grief. Until later, that is, when the monstrous beast slips back beneath the surface of their skins.

Sarah remembered everything she’d done. In horror, she looked at her lovely hands and remembered claws rending a child. She looked in the mirror and saw the muzzle of a monster buried in bloody entrails.

Locked up like a wild animal in the basement of our house, she begged me to kill her before it could happen again.

I tried. I swear I tried! With a butcher knife in my hand, I looked down into her beloved face, her hazel eyes glistening with tears, and I couldn’t do it. Even knowing what she was, what would happen in a few weeks when the monster walked in her body again, I couldn’t kill my wife. Even when she cursed me. Even when the love in her eyes died and turned to hatred.

I fled her condemnation and roamed the streets. What was I going to do? I couldn’t leave Sarah. I couldn’t kill her. All I could do was wait for her to transform again and become her first meal.

I met Isabella at the food drop off set up by the government. She was just a scrawny, starving little thing, yet the meanest street hoods backed off to let her pass. Older than my daughter by a few years, she had big, dark eyes that spoke of torment and horrors beyond human endurance. Yet she endured, somehow, alone and friendless.

Food was scarce, and more often than not, the starving people fought over the meager supplies. Rumors abounded of trucks attacked before they even arrived. Even those of us not yet contaminated by the virus were turning into animals. It sickened me. The lawlessness of desperation became utter chaos. People killed each other for a slice of bread or a blanket. The helpers were slaughtered along with the weak, the sick and the old. Only the strong were going to survive the chaos.

I already knew I wasn’t strong enough. Hell, I wasn’t strong enough to end my wife’s torment, so how could I survive the madness on the streets? I could perhaps save this one young woman, though. I could give her a place to hide from whatever tormented her. I could share the food supplies we managed to squirrel away in the basement. It took several days of coaxing to win her trust, but finally I brought Isabella home with me.

Looking back, I wonder if I sought her deliberately. If I saw the merciless strength in her gaze and latched onto her, already planning, hoping, praying that she might be able to help me.

Because Isabella took one look at my wife and whipped out a long, wickedly sharp knife. Sarah thrashed in the chains she demanded I use in an effort to keep her beast contained. The monster in her screamed in rage, but I saw the truth in her eyes. My wife wanted to die. She wanted the monster killed, immediately, before any more blood could be shed.

Isabella hesitated, though, and I’ll always love her for that one moment of compassion. She looked at me and asked if I was sure. I couldn’t speak, but I nodded. I didn’t stop her.

One deep gash in my wife’s throat and it was over. Rather peaceful, actually. Sarah took my hand before she died and whispered that she loved me. I saw forgiveness in her eyes for my failure. She gazed at the young woman who killed her and smiled with gratitude.

And when Isabella turned away to leave, I saw pain and fear and regret in her eyes. Not for killing my poor wife, but for the loss of a friend. She thought I would be angry with her. Instead, I threw my arms around her and swore to always be her friend. I would never turn away from her in horror. I would always be grateful that she was strong enough to give my wife a merciful death.

She saved me that day. She saved my sanity, redeemed my cowardice, and blessed my wife with peace. I owe Isabella everything. And maybe, just maybe, I can save her from the killing hatred she carries in her heart.

Because if she can’t let go of that hatred someday, she’ll become a monster, virus or not.

Blocking

2006-03-30T20:29:00.000-08:00

Tonight, I worked through the block of BD using the romance template I created in FreeMind. (Have I said lately that I love that software???)

Yes, romance. I never envisioned this as a "inside the lines" sort of romance, but I really believe this story is stronger, better than the other. Tighter. Focused. Hades is more the hero now and isn't able to use Charon and Bryan as crutches. Charon will be the hero of the next book.

My character cast is tighter (I still need to update the links and entries here). Bryan and Persephone are gone entirely. Neither was needed any longer.

I did a little scrapbook work on Hades tonight. I still need more character traits for him, and his oxymoron isn't quite right any longer. But I came up with an interesting trait tonight that I really like. I'm not sure if it'll be his static trait yet --if it can affect plot -- but it's a start.

So I'm going to try and write a little yet tonight, but I'm more than pleased with the work tonight. The basic hero's journey/structure is in place, although each section isn't completely plotted out. I seem to do better with the high points cemented into place and looser notes for the intermediate sections. I'll update the block as I go. Usually I figure out about a chapter ahead of where I am (so I have Chapter 3 blocked pretty well tonight, but 4 is looser with notes instead of planned sections).

Heh. And to think I used to believe I would never ever be able to plot. Now I have BD pretty well blocked out with a solid map to follow. Yay! I'm feeling much better about this story!

Cheating

2006-03-29T07:18:00.000-08:00

As I reviewed Isabella's scrapbook in preparation for writing this morning, I realized something. Finally. Sometimes I'm really slow on the uptake.

I know Isabella's character arc, how she must move from hatred to love, distrust to trust, control to surrender. What I didn't realize was that I've been cheating. Yes, cheating. I gave myself 3 characters to guide her through this growth.

See, each lover had a purpose.

Bryan was her softer gentler side who represented her humanity. His unfailing trust and love led her to the Dark Moment.
Charon represented her beast, the darker side, the killer. He would teach her that not all monsters are evil, that she could still find beauty in the world despite the monster she carries inside her.
Hades was the main hero, but he wasn't *enough*. As constructed, he only had to be in control. Yeah, he had to give up a few things along the way, but he was relatively two-dimensional. Not flat, exactly, but not enough to stand on his own. Because he didn't have to.

Plus, I was cheating myself out of a darned good sequel to this story. Charon deserves his own book, don't you think?

So I'm going through my characters in my mind and rebuilding Hades. He has to do all three things above. He has to teach her the softer gentler side of love. He has to teach her to embrace her monster, too. And he has to be willing to take Bryan's place in the Dark Moment. Does he love Isabella enough to pay the price?

I believe he does.

So no more cheating. Hades is the hero -- the only hero -- of this book, and he'd better start acting like it. Charon, old buddy, be patient. Your own book is coming. In the meantime, please enjoy acting as the anti-hero in this story.

Dry Spell

2006-03-26T09:43:00.000-08:00

I'm ashamed to look back over my goals for this year, because one of them was a completed first draft of BD by 3/31. I haven't worked on this ms for months.

Why?

I'm stuck. Not plot wise, at least as far as the ending is concerned. The setup is wrong.

It's been bugging me for a long, long time. How can I fix it? How can I go onward to the ending, no matter how exciting, when I know the first most crucial setup is wrong? Which makes everything else shaky at best?

After the long trip to MN last week, we slept in this morning. We were supposed to go to church, but I was just pooped. The monsters were all up but playing nicely. I lay in bed half awake, half asleep, drifting, and the characters from BD came to visit me.

Charon was first. He was pissed. "You've made me into Hade's sidekick. Sidekick! Me! I *should* be an anti-hero. I should be the great question mark. Will I betray him or not? So why the hell would I want to share my woman with him?"

Then Isabella came, and she wasn't happy either. "What, do you think I'm stupid or something? How would I not know who Hades is? Of course I know who he is. You have to make me fall in love with him anyway."

Even Bryan made an appearance. Sweet, submissive Bryan. Can you believe he's been talking to Persephone? I about died.

So the good news is I think I have a few ways I can tackle this wip. A few key shifts and adjustments early on. Some cool scenes will have to go, which is painful. But, well, I really want this to be something I can send to Dorchester. To do that, I need to murder a few beloved darlings.

Athens

2006-01-25T15:49:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the diamond of the Olympian Cities!

A complex circular system of skyways and towers beneath a biodome housing nearly ten thousand Citizens, Athens is the heart of modern culture. Sleek, sparkling clean skyways connecting the residential towers and shopping areas are busy 24 hours a day and completely impervious to outside weather, infections and disease.

Founded by Perikles as part of the new Pantheon Order, Athens was one of nine incredible technologically-advanced Cities built to protect the best and brightest of the human race before whole-scale contamination. With unlimited resources, Perikles himself lured the most talented artisans, musicians and actors to make Athens a sanctuary for the arts. The Dionysus Theatre and Megaron Concert Hall draw massive crowds of Citizens year around from all over Olympia. Athens also boasts one of the finest Stadiums, and the Academy accepts only top students each year.

Don't miss the Omonia Square at the heart of Athens for rare finds unmatched in any other City. The Attika Zoo houses animals and botanicals that have long since been killed in Earth's devastation, and the Butterfly House is a particular favorite. At the base of the Panthenon, Athens’s magnificent MedCorp division, rest your weary feet at the Athena Cafe and enjoy a delicious drink while looking out over the meticulously maintained groves which supply Athens’s food sources. Then continue shopping at only the finest, most exclusive shops in all of Olympia. A particular favorite is On Death's Wings, a designer original and must-have for this year's fashion setters.

Connected to Calydon, Sparta and Mycenae by the speedy Odyssey trains, Athenians are whisked to various jobs in the surrounding Cities while living with the finest amenities. Although most Athenians are employed by MedCorp, there are many opportunities for private shop owners, providing cutting edge artistry, fashion, furnishing and even antiquities.

Crime is virtually nonexistent in Athens thanks to our skilled and efficient Marshals. Roaming the skyways constantly, they deliver justice instantaneously to best protect our Citizens from theft, physical harm or infection. Despite the recent Pantheon decision opening the Gates of all Cities to the outside world, Athenians have no fear of infection--not while our famous First Marshal, Isabella Thanatos, is on duty. After over one thousand terminations in the call of duty, she’s rightly known as “Beautiful Death” in all of Olympia. Elite weaponry and her superb leadership combine to make Athens the safest--and purest--City of all.

So come to Athens and immerse yourself in our luxurious paradise!

Evaluation

2006-01-24T21:45:00.000-08:00

I've read through all the completed pages; sorted notes and scribbles; tried to decipher some hints provided by the Witch; reviewed the scoring from FF&P contest; finished "How to Write Science Fiction and Fantasy"; re-read the Emotional Toolbox site; and examined my character sheets.

Some things I like about Beautiful Death--personal wows, if you will:

I like the way Isabella will transform, how she starts as an "Edward-like" killer and then comes to understand what a "monster" really is.
I like the monster vs. human ideas. Who's the "real" monster if a human is planning widespread genocide?
I like the emotion between Isabella and Bryan, how she's always running away and he's always clinging. The one scene on the road to Delphi is especially emotional.
I like the way Isabella "completes" both Hades and Charon. She was supposed to be deliberately engineered to lead the Erinyes, a "safe monster" so to speak, but the accident years ago infected her with Hades' form of the virus, causing unexpected mutations. Nature found a way. I like the way these three interact, sometimes pitting one against the other deliberately, but in the end everyone is needed and necessary for a reason. Therefore, I really can't see through to minimizing Charon's role.
I like the little bits of mythology that have trickled into the story.
I like the "idea" of an Alien inspired Underworld. The viruses, aliens, futuristic elements. Fun stuff!

However, I did discover some problems and issues that need to be addressed:

I need to document the alien culture better and decide how they arrived on Earth, and how they would leave if allowed. Crucial: this gives me many ideas for Hades' continued plotting against the Megaskyr and hopefully up the stakes.
The beginning needs to be focused more on the central characters. While Hades and Charon are in early scenes, there's no interaction with Isabella until much later in the story. I think I can increase conflict by bringing Hades on immediately. Instead of her "discovering" his true identity, their personal conflict should be front and center. i.e. Which costs her more: to run to a Master she doesn't know but hopes can help her, or to knowingly go to the most hated Master of all who once fed on her?
Similiar thinking with Zeus and Persephone. Instead of them being unknown identities that are only revealed near the end, I think the conflict all around will be greater if Isabella knows Zeus is her father and she's deliberately defying him all along because of her hatred and hurt.
More individual development given to Hades with clear, concrete Goals and Motivations.
More individual development given to Charon with clear, concrete Goals and Motivations. Right now, he's only Hades' hit man. Remember his oxymoron: trustworthy rogue. Why would he be considered a rogue? (Dark Secret)
Clearer setting, tone and atmosphere needed. Write up some paragraphs on Athens, Erebus, etc. with descriptions and such, just so I have a better feel of place.
Re-examine the entire block. I'm still wavering on the ending--it's a little too foggy. I should probably keep pressing through the first draft and explore some options before digging into full scale revisions, so I'm sure that I know where I'm going.

I began this work in answer to what I thought was a "failed" triumvirate in LKH's Anita Blake series. I got tired of the petty endless arguing between Anita and Richard; I wearied of Anita's stupidity; Jean Claude's continued tolerance (Anita has never let him feed unless he or she or Richard was dying!) annoyed me. I can't cut Charon out of the relationship without losing one of the tripod legs for which I began this work. Is there sex between all three? Yes. Lots of sex? Yeah, I guess so.

But there's a whole lot more to the story than what happens between the sheets. This is the kind of story I wish LKH would write, where she combined the sex with a really good story. A story in which all the threads hold together, characters change for the better, and some really weird vampire/shapeshifter/alien (in my case) shit happens at the same time.

I can't pretty it up and make it romance. I can't axe the emotional and sexual turmoil and make it straight science fiction. Well, I could, but then it would be a different story, and I really do like the emotional twists and turns of such a relationship (see list above). So, it is what it is. It doesn't fit on a nice safe shelf. Even if I'm a lousy interior decorator, I can still bring it up to my personal wow.

Besides, I really REALLY want to finish something this year!

Butterfly

2006-01-16T04:09:00.000-08:00

I've been asked how I feel about this work. If I have passion for it. I thought that was apparent, but perhaps I kept my emotions veiled from eyes deliberately--because I've been told I'm too sentimental anyway. So I protected myself to keep my island afloat in the cold, dark sea.

How do I feel about Beautiful Death, you ask? Well, where do you think the butterfly came from? (You did notice the indigo butterflies flitting around these pages, didn't you?) After this, the crippled, maimed little bug dragged her broken wings over here and became Isabella's motif. Instead of giving up and dying all over again.

While trapped in that tight, constrictive cocoon, I imagine the little caterpillar must have thought she died when she finally lost consciousness. Tired of being an ugly, awkward, stupid slug, maybe she thought death was a blessing. She died to give birth to stained-glass wings.

Sometimes death must happen to allow for rebirth.

The butterfly still can't fly, but she's trying. In the meantime, she learned how to kill.

Worldbuilding

2005-11-25T20:32:00.000-08:00

This week, I've been working on character sheets. To be honest, I hadn't done much work on Hades; even less on Charon. BD is Isabella's story and I spent the most time understanding her. But I sat down this holiday and began filling in some of the blanks for Hades. Immediately, I realized I needed to know more about where he came from prior to the story.

I also decided this week to concentrate more on the non-romance, non-erotic elements of my stories. I like the way the relationships are unfolding in this story so far, so I'm not monkeying with that. But I do want to strengthen the plot and worldbuilding of BD to make this more than a simple erotic story.

Since I'm using Greek mythology as the basis for BD, I wanted something focused and related strongly to my existing framework. I decided to use an enemy of Greece. I googled ancient Athens, read about the rise and fall of the City State, and found--

Macedon. Hade's world.
Thrace. Macedon's enemy, Charon's world. Known as barbarians, fierce fighters who preferred rural settings in the forests of their land, the Thracians were conquered by Philip II of Macedon. Later Philip took over Greece, too.

So guess what Hades' name was before he came to Earth? Philip. [Most people took new "Greek" names when the Olympian Cities were formed. e.g. Isabella Zeller became Isabella Thanatos. Dr. Richard Zeller became Zeus. Amelia Zeller became Persephone.]

I knew I wanted the leader of Macedon to be a woman. Now Philip had many wives, but one of his "worst mistakes" according to one site was marriage to a fellow Macedonian, Cleopatra. She became my Megaskyr, a term meaning "Great Lord." I also knew I wanted a rival for Hades, someone who conspired to get him sent to Earth, and later exiled him there to keep him out of the political picture of Macedon. Enter Pausanias, the man who assassinated Philip II.

Cool, huh? Or maybe I'm just a geek.

Most of this is stuff that is important but not immediately in BD. I need to know where he came from, why he left, why he might have wanted to go back, why he's with Charon, how their bond formed, etc. so I can flesh out the conflicts in BD in second+ draft(s). This is still Isabella's story, but now I can add more depth with Hades and Charon.

Dr. Richard Zeller

2005-11-23T18:55:00.000-08:00

[Isabella's Father describing her 6th birthday]

I found the most adorable dress for Isabella. The vibrant blue matches her eyes perfectly (the same deep blue as my own). I’ve always felt a special bond to this child of mine, the child only I could save. Susan and Amelia are close. They take little interest in Isabella. Quite honestly, they don’t understand her. They’re afraid of the solemn knowledge in her brilliant eyes.

Isabella might only be six, but she shows an avid interest in my work. In many ways, I feel like she is my creation, my perfect child. Literally, my very own blood flows in her veins after the transfusions she required at birth.

She is mine in a way no other child could ever be. She is my beautiful creation.

Critiques

2005-10-26T09:41:00.000-07:00

I received the three contest critiques yesterday from FF&P On the Far Side. Overall, the comments were extremely helpful. I was relieved to see that two judges scored me very high: 147/150 and 148/150. So BD doesn't entirely suck like a Hoover. The third judge scored me much lower, 116/150, but made some very good comments. The biggest thing: unsympathetic heroine.

Ding, ding, ding!

Yep, I'm already on that. There were a few other problems that I picked up on between the three judges. The low judge was confused about the setting. I already made some notes to myself about fleshing out futuristic Athens in more detail (I gave myself a homework exercise on this). I tried really, really hard to cut backstory and heavy description, and I think I succeeded a little too well.

Also, some comments written in the ms pages pointed out some "overwriting" on my part. Where the words and phrases were more important than what happened. E.g. I was trying too hard. I think if I read those passages out loud, I'd probably wince and get all tongue-tied, a sure way to tell when I'm getting carried away.

The best comment of all that really made me smile:

"I would probably recognize this author's voice if I read it again."

Happy smiles!

My number one goal for the remaining days of 2005 is to finish the first draft of BD. I'm not going to stop and fix anything right now, although I'm making extensive notes and thinking of homework things to work on later. I must finish this first draft and work through some of my growing pains.

Meanwhile, I'll continue to work with the Witch and hopefully gain some better skills with MRUs, scene/sequel, etc. I still don't know where in Hades I'll send this thing once it's polished, but the more I play in this world, the more I love it.

Emotion

2005-10-12T21:59:00.000-07:00

I've been running through several assignments with The Witch to improve my skills and Beautiful Death specifically. I really thought something wasn't quite right with the opening pages of BD, but I wasn't sure what. It reads a little stiff, a little flat, but I wasn't sure exactly what I needed to do. When BD didn't final in the FF&P contest, I had another confirmation that something wasn't quite right. But what? (I haven't received the critiques back yet.)

With the latest assignment, some lightbulbs are starting to go off. The first five pages are flat because there's no real emotion or feeling invoked in the reader via the lead. Isabella is a stone cold killer. She's not sympathetic, and most people probably wouldn't like her, either. I accomplished what I wanted on one hand (a female assassin like Edward in LKH's Anita Blake series) and shot myself in the foot with the other because my lead has all the appeal of a murderer.

So I'm working on this next assignment, and thinking, and something clicked. In the opening five pages, Isabella is faced with two killings: the human rebel and the shapeshifter who interferes. Thinking hard about this, and how I could add emotion, I thought specifically about how she might feel killing Sybil vs. the monster. HINT. Think about the premise. Think about her character arc and where she starts out.

People are good. Monsters are evil.

Would it really be so easy for her to kill a human, even if the Oracle told her Sybil was a criminal?

Wouldn't Isabella much rather fight the monster than the human? Why? Because she doesn't believe the monster has any human qualities. So how could she coldly and efficiently kill the human rebel? Hmm?

Gotcha. I think I just figured out how to a). add emotion and b). add angst and internal conflict while remaining true to the character (actually truer than I'm currently depicting her) and premise.

No Good News

2005-09-23T15:54:00.000-07:00

Well, BD did not final in the OTFS FF&P contest. Bummer. I guess I'll wait for the score sheets and see what the judges had to say.

OTFS Delayed

2005-09-18T20:48:00.000-07:00

No news yet on the FF&P contest. Expect finalists to be announced Friday, September 23.

*crossing fingers*

Finally hit a bit of a stride tonight. I felt like I wrote much more than only 250 words tonight while the Chiefs played, but that's where I ended up. I finished the section and fixed some things that were bugging me. Charon is getting ready for some important work. *snicker*

The storyline has deviated slightly from where I expected to be. The changes were slight, but this next section isn't exactly planned. Before writing forward, I need to re-evaluate my block. But of course, DH's computer doesn't have SuperNoteCards.....

I guess I could download a trial copy on his computer. Surely in a month I'll get my cord situation figured out!

FF&P Contest a Go

2005-08-17T14:54:00.000-07:00

I received e-mails today from the coordinator that my entry made it and the erotic category is a go. (They were low on entries.) Now the last time a call for entries came out (The Fab 5 contest), they ended up with truckloads of mss! So we'll see how it goes.

I re-read the entire ms yesterday to get back into the flow. I need to go to bed at a decent hour tonight since I'm back to work tomorrow, so I don't know that I'll get much written on it tonight. Soon, though. I'm anxious to get those next few scenes down!

It's Off!

2005-08-15T12:18:00.000-07:00

I hope the entry makes it on time. Because it's going to a PO Box, they wouldn't guarantee overnight delivery. Still, though, as long as it's there on the 17th I should be fine. I spent the weekend tweaking the synopsis and finally settled on a third version.

The first version didn't show enough of the plot elements nor the character arc. The second version was all about the political plot Isabella unravels. While interesting, it really wasn't what I wanted. The third draft combined the best of the first two versions and really explained the darker side that Isabella teeters toward. She's becoming the the thing she fears the most. That was important to include.

So no new words to show for this project, but some progress of a different sort. I'm trying to figure out a way to work steadily on my many various projects so all of them move forward. Balance is not my forte. Sigh.