Beautiful Death

I've read through all the completed pages; sorted notes and scribbles; tried to decipher some hints provided by the Witch; reviewed the scoring from FF&P contest; finished "How to Write Science Fiction and Fantasy"; re-read the Emotional Toolbox site; and examined my character sheets.

Some things I like about Beautiful Death--personal wows, if you will:

1. I like the way Isabella will transform, how she starts as an "Edward-like" killer and then comes to understand what a "monster" really is.
2. I like the monster vs. human ideas. Who's the "real" monster if a human is planning widespread genocide?
3. I like the emotion between Isabella and Bryan, how she's always running away and he's always clinging. The one scene on the road to Delphi is especially emotional.
4. I like the way Isabella "completes" both Hades and Charon. She was supposed to be deliberately engineered to lead the Erinyes, a "safe monster" so to speak, but the accident years ago infected her with Hades' form of the virus, causing unexpected mutations. Nature found a way. I like the way these three interact, sometimes pitting one against the other deliberately, but in the end everyone is needed and necessary for a reason. Therefore, I really can't see through to minimizing Charon's role.
5. I like the little bits of mythology that have trickled into the story.
6. I like the "idea" of an Alien inspired Underworld. The viruses, aliens, futuristic elements. Fun stuff!

However, I did discover some problems and issues that need to be addressed:

1. I need to document the alien culture better and decide how they arrived on Earth, and how they would leave if allowed. Crucial: this gives me many ideas for Hades' continued plotting against the Megaskyr and hopefully up the stakes.
2. The beginning needs to be focused more on the central characters. While Hades and Charon are in early scenes, there's no interaction with Isabella until much later in the story. I think I can increase conflict by bringing Hades on immediately. Instead of her "discovering" his true identity, their personal conflict should be front and center. i.e. Which costs her more: to run to a Master she doesn't know but hopes can help her, or to knowingly go to the most hated Master of all who once fed on her?
3. Similiar thinking with Zeus and Persephone. Instead of them being unknown identities that are only revealed near the end, I think the conflict all around will be greater if Isabella knows Zeus is her father and she's deliberately defying him all along because of her hatred and hurt.
4. More individual development given to Hades with clear, concrete Goals and Motivations.
5. More individual development given to Charon with clear, concrete Goals and Motivations. Right now, he's only Hades' hit man. Remember his oxymoron: trustworthy rogue. Why would he be considered a rogue? (Dark Secret)
6. Clearer setting, tone and atmosphere needed. Write up some paragraphs on Athens, Erebus, etc. with descriptions and such, just so I have a better feel of place.
7. Re-examine the entire block. I'm still wavering on the ending--it's a little too foggy. I should probably keep pressing through the first draft and explore some options before digging into full scale revisions, so I'm sure that I know where I'm going.

I began this work in answer to what I thought was a "failed" triumvirate in LKH's Anita Blake series. I got tired of the petty endless arguing between Anita and Richard; I wearied of Anita's stupidity; Jean Claude's continued tolerance (Anita has never let him feed unless he or she or Richard was dying!) annoyed me. I can't cut Charon out of the relationship without losing one of the tripod legs for which I began this work. Is there sex between all three? Yes. Lots of sex? Yeah, I guess so.

But there's a whole lot more to the story than what happens between the sheets. This is the kind of story I wish LKH would write, where she combined the sex with a really good story. A story in which all the threads hold together, characters change for the better, and some really weird vampire/shapeshifter/alien (in my case) shit happens at the same time.

I can't pretty it up and make it romance. I can't axe the emotional and sexual turmoil and make it straight science fiction. Well, I could, but then it would be a different story, and I really do like the emotional twists and turns of such a relationship (see list above). So, it is what it is. It doesn't fit on a nice safe shelf. Even if I'm a lousy interior decorator, I can still bring it up to my personal wow.

Besides, I really REALLY want to finish something this year!